Monday, 4 February 2013

………until 14th April 2011

All my life I've been harassed.........Harassed day in and day out.........Harassed for no reason, all four season..........Harassed for doing and not doing as well.

Man fools himself, more than he fools others.
Is it?
Yes... I repeat.... Man fools himself, more than he fools others.

This very line summarizes why I was harassed.
Not "why" I was harassed but "How" I was harassed.

I kept on fooling my own self for all the gone years, since time memorial.
The most intriguing question of childhood times is…

“What do you want to become in life?”

To my surprise and wondering, each kid had an answer to this toughest question of all times. The question remains unchanged until a child transforms into an adult i.e. passing/failing tenth class exams.

I lately was informed that the question was a multiple choices, and the choices are:
A) Doctor
B) Engineer
C) Prime Minister/President
D) Teacher
E) Sportsperson
F) Army/Police Personnel

1) The Question and choices remains unchanged irrespective of the class you are studying in.
2) You are bound to answer.
3) If you have no answer you are shit and subject of humiliation.

With due respect sir/ma’am I accept being shit, since I have no answer.
This question on the very first day of each standard made me pseudo patient. Just to avoid the question and being shit again, I would lay my head down on the table pretending too ill to be disturbed for a repetitive question.

I escaped the question 27 years (to be honest) fooling everyone and myself as well….but what remains unchanged is …I still remains shit…… without answer to the question.

I was damn sure that none of my counterparts then had the real answer to the question but still they answered it….simply not to choose being shit. The point is they had an answer. No matter the answer changed every year. But they still had an answer.

The lady whom I admire most after momy was Geetanjali Joshi, whom we used to call Joshi ma’am, an excellent Science and English teacher. I remember, she asked me the same question and I was again answerless. But when Joshi Ma’am asks a question you cannot choose not to answer, you cannot pretend to be ill, wet your pant she doesn't bother, you have to answer.

I could not answer the question even after allotted time. Head was down with the shame; a tear rolling inside eyelids refusing to drop down, such was the horror of Joshi Ma’am. The devil approached; my heart stopped pumping.... paralyzing me to unconsciousness. She raised her hand to its limit and landed on my head…softly.... to my surprise. Just like moms hand on my head lulls me to sleep.

Words of wisdom poured in from the mouth of devil, “Beta I am not seeking for the answer. What I want from all of you is to think about your future and start making decisions. No answer is correct and no answer is wrong. You are in such a tender age that you can change your answer every day till the final call comes. Have aim.”

Hand lifted up from the head and rested back in the pocket of her overcoat. Tears came rolling down happily. I escaped once again. I remember her words by heart, but never thought off to decipher the meaning. That’s precisely the reason I am still aimless. I am still to find the answer. How long will it take, again I don’t have an answer.

Harassment Continued.... Until 14th April, the day I joined EDULEVER.